Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
