Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
