I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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