I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
