I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
