I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
