weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
