well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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