She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize