He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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