I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
