if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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