I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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