my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
