I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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