There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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