he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
