how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
