I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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