I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
