Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
