smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
