Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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