Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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