i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
