It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I think I just sharted jello shots
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
