his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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