She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
