It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
