You're so nebulous sometimes
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
