I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
