i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
