She is in my trunk
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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