Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize