he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just pee around me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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