I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
