am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
