I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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