Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
