Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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