I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
