Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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