Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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