ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I've blown a few things in my day
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
