one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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