she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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