my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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