You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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