i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you never un-have a 4some
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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