too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
