the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So. Much. Porn.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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