The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
