On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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