I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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