she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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