My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
