After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize