oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
