OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
