Whod you bang
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
