you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
