They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
