Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
