Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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