Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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