i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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