dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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