Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
