My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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