so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
