so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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