So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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