airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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