I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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