I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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