I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
