3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
